If Heaven Wasnt So Far Away.. something I think about every day!

I miss my daddy EVERY day. I miss my babies EVERY day! But today I am missing them even more for some odd reason. I know that they are in heaven looking down on me and my family. I would just give anything in the world to be able to hold, hug, kiss and talk to them one more time. You know when you grow up you really don’t realize all the time you wasted by not picking up the phone or just driving an hour away to go see someone. Until they are gone. I was always my daddys little girl and I always will be even though he is not here. I know that he knows that I regret letting so much time pass and not coming to see him like I should have and I know that he forgives me for it but I am really kicking myself hard for this. I was the child that had always made my parents proud and then when I turned 18 I decided I didn’t need to listen or be around them as often. Yes, I still needed my parents at times and honestly I needed them more then I knew.

We never had the perfect picture family life but what we did have was love. And to me that is all you need. My dad was FAR from perfect but the one thing I knew then and I still know is that he would have given his life for us at anytime of the day no matter what for, and for that I am grateful and LUCKY! I miss the scattered phone conversations we use to have, I wish I could have one more phone call with him. But I cant. All I have left are memories, good and bad.

The thing is dad isnt the only person I wish I could see right now or any other day. Even though I only had a short time with them and yes I do mean a very short time, I miss my kids. I know that God only lends us everyone for a short time and some for a longer time, I wish he would have let me keep Justin & Brooklyn a little longer. For some reason that I have NO idea about he needed them more then we did and I understand that. I know that they are in a much better place but it does not make it any easier- I still miss them. Ever since we have lost our babies we have prayed for another one, a child that we can have the honor of raising , loving and caring for until God needs them back with him. Even though that has yet to happen I still pray for it and wish for it. But God will hopefully answer my prayers soon. He is the only person who can answer them and I have full faith that he will one day! Yes, even though I have lost two I still have faith that he will allow me to "borrow" one of his children to call as my own. For now I know that I am lucky to be healthy, have my momma, brother, sister, nieces and nephews, and the love of my life with me everyday. I have also been blessed with a wonderful 2nd family, that to me are pretty darn awesome. This is why I keep the faith because I know that GOD IS GREAT, just in his own way!