*Holidays*...finally coming to an end! :)

Well the holidays are finally fixing to be over with! Christmas Eve and Christmas day went well. My family (all of them) actually showed up at mommas on time (well almost on time). I hated that we was not able to all be together for Thanksgiving but I am glad that we was able to spend Christmas night together like we always have. We did our annual Christmas Eve night with the bestie, which is playing dominoes and cooking out. I always look forward to that time because it is always just us and no one else trying to take the mens attention from us lol. Chell got me the most beautiful cross earrings to go along with the cross necklace she got me for my bday, now I just have to get my chain fixed so I can wear my necklace again! She also got me a beautiful bible cover that I absolutely love.. the scripture on it is so beautiful.  It says, “HOPE: But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope” The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:21-24

I believe she got me this bible case with this scripture for a reason, it is setting heavily on my heart, which is a good thing.  Thank you so much Chell,  I loves ya J

On another note, I have had a bad toothache the last few days and now a migraine on top of it! Err.. hopefully it will be gone soon J I am ready to ring in the new year, not for sure what we are going to do yet we have a few plans laid out for us but who knows which one we will do! I am just hoping that 2012 is a little better than 2011! Not saying that all of 2011 has been bad but the beginning did not turn out great because we lost Cliff and then the end we had deaths back to back, so I am just hoping that for one year we will not lose anyone. I know that God only takes the people he needs at the right time but I am ready for a little bit of a break but will understand if he does decide he needs another angel.

There may not be a tomorrow so enjoy TODAY

What a week.. started out better than the last two because Justin was actually able to go to work because NO RAIN but that did not turn out to good. I hate Justins job, I know that every job is dangerous no matter where you work but cutting timber just makes it even more dangerous. I have a rule.. Justin is not allowed to talk to me about his job because I am scared that something will happen to him, well my fear came true this week. I am use to Justin not being able to call me while at work because he never has service and just keeps his phone in the truck until he gets off. Tuesday at lunch time my phone rang and it was Justin I was just thinking that maybe they finished the job and he was on his way home.. Boy was I wrong. So anyways, I answer the phone and he ask me what I am doing which I than tell him and he says well a tree and of course since he is not allowed to talk to me about work, I tell him to shut up I do not want to hear about it I will talk to you later love you and go to hang up the phone, well he than yells no do not hang up I am at THE MED. My heart stopped at this moment, I was so scared but then again I knew that he was alive and could not be hurt that bad since he was the one calling me.. right?! Well while cutting a tree at work a dead tree behind him snapped and there was no out running this tree, it hit him in the head and neck. Thank God he is smart enough to wear a hard hat, due to that he had no head injury, but at this time of talking to him we still did not know this because he was still waiting to have a CT scan. So of course I am freaking out and worried but do not know what to do because he does not want me to come there because he is scared that I will get lost on the way.. true because I probably would have but I can say I will NEVER stay at home waiting for him to call to tell me what is going on, next time (hopefully there will NEVER be a next time but if so) I will be going to be with him!!

All I can say is God was with him Tuesday morning, because lucky nothing was broke and no head injury, but he does have a bad case of whiplash, which can be pretty dangerous if you are not careful. They put him in a neck brace for 2 weeks, which I do not see him doing but we shall see. I am so thankful that God allowed Justin to come home to me without being seriously hurt. Honestly I do not know what I would do without Justin. He is my world, my everything. I do not want him to cut timber anymore, but I know that he is still going to continue to do so even though it scared the crap out of me. I understand that he needs to work and that he does love his job but gosh it just I do not even know how to explain the feeling I get when I think about him cutting timber especially now… I know that all I should be thinking about is that he is still here with me and that I should be concentrating on that fact but it is hard.  

12/23/11

The above is from last week, I just haven’t had time to update so I am doing that now.

Last Saturday which was the 18^th, Justin & I went with his mom, David, Sas, Johnny, Tara and Bill to Nashville we met up with Ronda, Chris and the boys there. We went to Nashville to see the Rockettes. I honestly did not believe that Justin would like it but he actually did! Which I could not see how he wouldn’t have like it because they were absolutely AWESOME! I would love to go back next year. Mrs. Donna had bought the tickets for all of us for Christmas. We also went to Logans for lunch and then after the show we went to this little country restaurant that Bill & Tara go to when they are in Nashville. It was so good! Everything there is homemade and they are famous for their biscuits, and let me tell you the biscuits are freaking A-Mazing!! It was really fun just being able to go with his family and have fun. I have never done anything like that with his entire family and I really enjoyed being able to do something like that. Justin was not going to go at first but he finally ended up saying yes and I am glad that he did because I could tell that it made his momma happy to be able to have all her kids there. But during the trip Sashas tooth was killing her, she has never had a toothache and her mouth was swollen from the infection. Sunday night Mrs. Donna called me to let me know that Sasha was rushed the emergency room to have emergency surgery. They cut her tooth out and then put a tube in her gum to drain out the infection. Luckily they caught it in enough time to be able to do this because something like that can kill you, she could have ended up with septic shock which is what my daddy died from. They kept her in the hospital for a few days but she is now at home but her mouth is still a little swollen.

Yesterday was a very sad day for my family on my dads side. My cousin Dale’s daughter had a little boy (Treyson but we called him Trey) 9 weeks ago and sadly he was sent home to be with her heavenly father yesterday. The baby was in the bed his daddy the night before and when he woke up the baby was dead. They, at the time, believed that he rolled over on the baby an smothered him but now they are thinking that it could have been the formula that the baby was drinking, which is on recall and has already killed a 1 year old baby, or the baby could have died from SIDS. They are doing an autopsy to find out for sure what the cause of death is. I hope and pray that they find out that it was either from the formula or SIDS because I could not imagine the daddy having to think he is the reason his baby is dead. They are already going to blame themselves but it would be even harder to think that you are the reason your baby is dead. I pray that God will give them the strength that they need to be able to get through this rough time. Losing Brooklyn was very hard on me because after having her for 2 days and thinking that she was going to be able to pull through all the obstacles that were being thrown at her was hard but I could not imagine having her in our lives for 9weeks or longer and then losing her. Yes, losing a child is hard no matter the length of time you have with him/her but having that child/baby there with you for that length of time and getting into your daily routine and being able to hold and kiss them every day and then losing them to a tragic death… God that would be so hard…

There may not be a tomorrow so enjoy TODAY

What a week.. started out better than the last two because Justin was actually able to go to work because NO RAIN but that did not turn out to good. I hate Justins job, I know that every job is dangerous no matter where you work but cutting timber just makes it even more dangerous. I have a rule.. Justin is not allowed to talk to me about his job because I am scared that something will happen to him, well my fear came true this week. I am use to Justin not being able to call me while at work because he never has service and just keeps his phone in the truck until he gets off. Tuesday at lunch time my phone rang and it was Justin I was just thinking that maybe they finished the job and he was on his way home.. Boy was I wrong. So anyways, I answer the phone and he ask me what I am doing which I than tell him and he says well a tree and of course since he is not allowed to talk to me about work, I tell him to shut up I do not want to hear about it I will talk to you later love you and go to hang up the phone, well he than yells no do not hang up I am at THE MED. My heart stopped at this moment, I was so scared but then again I knew that he was alive and could not be hurt that bad since he was the one calling me.. right?! Well while cutting a tree at work a dead tree behind him snapped and there was no out running this tree, it hit him in the head and neck. Thank God he is smart enough to wear a hard hat, due to that he had no head injury, but at this time of talking to him we still did not know this because he was still waiting to have a CT scan. So of course I am freaking out and worried but do not know what to do because he does not want me to come there because he is scared that I will get lost on the way.. true because I probably would have but I can say I will NEVER stay at home waiting for him to call to tell me what is going on, next time (hopefully there will NEVER be a next time but if so) I will be going to be with him!!

All I can say is God was with him Tuesday morning, because lucky nothing was broke and no head injury, but he does have a bad case of whiplash, which can be pretty dangerous if you are not careful. They put him in a neck brace for 2 weeks, which I do not see him doing but we shall see. I am so thankful that God allowed Justin to come home to me without being seriously hurt. Honestly I do not know what I would do without Justin. He is my world, my everything. I do not want him to cut timber anymore, but I know that he is still going to continue to do so even though it scared the crap out of me. I understand that he needs to work and that he does love his job but gosh it just I do not even know how to explain the feeling I get when I think about him cutting timber especially now… I know that all I should be thinking about is that he is still here with me and that I should be concentrating on that fact but it is hard.  

12/23/11

The above is from last week, I just haven’t had time to update so I am doing that now.

Last Saturday which was the 18^th, Justin & I went with his mom, David, Sas, Johnny, Tara and Bill to Nashville we met up with Ronda, Chris and the boys there. We went to Nashville to see the Rockettes. I honestly did not believe that Justin would like it but he actually did! Which I could not see how he wouldn’t have like it because they were absolutely AWESOME! I would love to go back next year. Mrs. Donna had bought the tickets for all of us for Christmas. We also went to Logans for lunch and then after the show we went to this little country restaurant that Bill & Tara go to when they are in Nashville. It was so good! Everything there is homemade and they are famous for their biscuits, and let me tell you the biscuits are freaking A-Mazing!! It was really fun just being able to go with his family and have fun. I have never done anything like that with his entire family and I really enjoyed being able to do something like that. Justin was not going to go at first but he finally ended up saying yes and I am glad that he did because I could tell that it made his momma happy to be able to have all her kids there. But during the trip Sashas tooth was killing her, she has never had a toothache and her mouth was swollen from the infection. Sunday night Mrs. Donna called me to let me know that Sasha was rushed the emergency room to have emergency surgery. They cut her tooth out and then put a tube in her gum to drain out the infection. Luckily they caught it in enough time to be able to do this because something like that can kill you, she could have ended up with septic shock which is what my daddy died from. They kept her in the hospital for a few days but she is now at home but her mouth is still a little swollen.

Yesterday was a very sad day for my family on my dads side. My cousin Dale’s daughter had a little boy (Treyson but we called him Trey) 9 weeks ago and sadly he was sent home to be with her heavenly father yesterday. The baby was in the bed his daddy the night before and when he woke up the baby was dead. They, at the time, believed that he rolled over on the baby an smothered him but now they are thinking that it could have been the formula that the baby was drinking, which is on recall and has already killed a 1 year old baby, or the baby could have died from SIDS. They are doing an autopsy to find out for sure what the cause of death is. I hope and pray that they find out that it was either from the formula or SIDS because I could not imagine the daddy having to think he is the reason his baby is dead. They are already going to blame themselves but it would be even harder to think that you are the reason your baby is dead. I pray that God will give them the strength that they need to be able to get through this rough time. Losing Brooklyn was very hard on me because after having her for 2 days and thinking that she was going to be able to pull through all the obstacles that were being thrown at her was hard but I could not imagine having her in our lives for 9weeks or longer and then losing her. Yes, losing a child is hard no matter the length of time you have with him/her but having that child/baby there with you for that length of time and getting into your daily routine and being able to hold and kiss them every day and then losing them to a tragic death… God that would be so hard…

Christmas Time!

The first 2 years of Justin and I being together we put up a Christmas tree and really enjoyed doing so, but the next year I had lost both my babies and was not in the “mood” and then the following year I had lost my daddy and finally decided there was no point in putting up a tree. I mean I was not having anyone come to my house for dinner, parties and honestly trees should be something you are excited to do and I just was not excited because my babies were not here to be able to enjoy decorating the tree with me. But this year something changed, I decided I wanted to put a tree up but not at my house.. I wanted to go to my mommas to put up the tree and start back our family tradition. I had always helped mom and dad put up the tree, even though I hated taking it down because it was so much work lol.

I am more than glad that I decided to start this family tradition once again but once we started putting the tree up ( it was me, momma, the kids-all 4 and Carolyn) I noticed that none of the ornaments were ours, they were all Carolyns, I did not mind at first because I just figured we hadn’t gotten ours out yet but then mom asked were hers were and Carolyn said that she did not have any.. I thought this was kinda weird, I am guessing over all the years of having all the same ones they were messed up an mom and dad threw them away or mom did the year before last.. I don’t know but it kinda made me upset because our tree really isn’t our tree. (don’t get me wrong I am more than happy to be able to put Carolyns on there too but I would just like to have some of our own on there also) So I have decided to start a new tradition, I am going shopping with mom, Diane, Carolyn and Megan Thursday for our “daughter/mother” shopping trip and I am going to buy some paint markers and glitter to make ornaments with our names on them for next year but am going to give them to everyone on Christmas day. And then next year we can make another ornament or buy whichever is best so that we will have our own ornaments for the tree! I hate that we will not have any “old” ones that we have memories of with daddy but we can make daddy a new one every year just like he is still here with us to celebrate. Also, grandma had brought a tree down on Thanksgiving day to put on daddys grave with Dale ornaments but the ornaments fell off so momma brought all of them for the kids to put on the tree at the house, so that will be this years memories! And then next year the grandkids will be able to put them on again every year along with the new ones for daddy.

Anyways, even with all that I still enjoyed my time. We were not expecting the kids but I believe for some reason God allowed them to be able to be there to help us because it made it that much better. Oh an yes, this was Gabbys first Christmas tree. I am not going to point out any names, but I do have a feeling that someone was not happy that my baby was there and may believe that I should not bring her with me to mommas because of all the kids but that person and anyone else who seems to feel this way well they really can get over it because I am not lucky enough to have my two children here with me but I am lucky enough to be able to have my baby girl, Gabby, there with me and she will continue to be there with us! I know that some do not understand the meaning of her to Justin & I, and I am sure that they will never understand this but she is a part of our family. And honestly I believe she behaves a little better than the kids lol. I know that she can get a little excited but she’s like any other dog or child for that matter. The way I see it, if people cannot handle her being there or do not want her to be there well than she will not be there but neither will Justin & I! They’ll have to learn to deal with it or not because to me I just do not care anymore. I am trying my best to be reasonable about this but sometimes it really is hard because it’s like they are disrespecting me by not allowing her in their life. I guess some people just do not have the love for animals like I do because to me even though she is not “human” to them she is and always will be considered “human” & also my daughter! Awe ok ok, so I believe that I am venting a little too much, ha-ha! All in all I believe this will be my best Christmas (well holiday times) since we have lost our babies, daddy and other loved ones. Shall we say I am more in the “spirit” mood? J

P.S.- So I was catching up on Kate Krulls blog so here’s the update: Lucy of course is still shining like the little star she is! She is growing stronger every day and getting a little more active with walking every day. Lucy got her make a wish the other day from the Make A Wish Foundation, she asked to go to Disney world, so therefore they left this week to go J Her wish came true just in time for Christmas, I think this is kind of a good sign from God, Kate is going to reveal Lucys results (im guessing of the recent scans) when they get back home & settled. So pray pray pray!!!!

Oh an we got our first SNOW in NOVEMBER!!! And they are calling for more snow today, not much but some.

Heaven: a wonderful place

On Monday morning we had to say good bye to one of the strongest, most caring, loving mother, aunt, friend, sister and wonderful granny. I have only had the privilege of knowing her for 7 years, which was mostly through 3 weeks of getting to spend time with her and the rest of the years of writing letters and being able to see her when she came home. She was 94 but she got around better than most people and was still in her on state of mind. I recently wrote about her having cancer, well of course the cancer won. Even if I would not have had the honor of getting to know this woman there would be no way that I could not love her, you see she has let me live in her house for the past 7 years. I am so thankful to her for this. Before she even met me she allowed me to stay her, she opened her arms like I was her own granddaughter. Like I said in the first line she was all them words but so much more. Being at the visitation Wednesday night and funeral Thursday, you could see how many lives she had touched. Everyone talked about her cooking, she was a damn good cook-actually the best cook I have ever met. And I am not the only person who though this, lol, everyone talked about the cookies, cakes, breakfast, lunches, and dinners that she had cooked them or their families and how they were always great. I had always known that she was a wonderful person but being able to hear people talk about all the wonderful things that she had done to help or just be a friend, made me think more of her, which was hard because I had already thought the world of her. If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that I KNOW that she is in heaven looking down on us. We could not ask for a better ANGEL to be watching over us every second of the day.
She was buried yesterday at Liberty cemetery, beside her first husband and above our babies. It was a beautiful service, thanks to Brother David Reeves and Earl Dowdy. Afterwards everyone gathered inside the church to have lunch, we stayed for a minute but then left. We had finally made it home from town when Mr.Donald and Joel had pulled up telling us that something must have happened to Aunt Sis because there were ambulance there when they passed by, Aunt Sis is Grannys youngest sister. Mr. Donald asked me if I would ride with him over there to see what was going on, so has we headed that way Joel called to let us know that Tara just called to tell us that Aunt Sis was found dead in the chair when they had arrived there to check on her. Aunt Sis was 92 and still lived on her own, like granny, but had been sick here and there for some time now. Everyone is saying that granny stopped to pick up Aunt Sis to take her to heaven on her way there. They went ahead an had the visitation tonight and the funeral will be tomorrow, since it will be raining the next couple of days, they wanted to go ahead so ppl wouldn’t have to be out in the rain. When we arrived at the funeral home tonight we found out that they had read Aunt Sis’s diary, she had written in it not long before she passed away that she knew it would be her last time writing in it because she was going to die tomorrow. People would say that it is odd that she knew that she was fixing to die, but I am thinking that granny and God was by her side letting her know that it was her time to move on to a better place. We had also found out the day of grannys funeral that she has known for at least a year or more that she had cancer but did not tell anyone, that is why she was ready to come home (back to TN). I had only met Aunt Sis one time but I knew that she was a wonderful person just like Granny. Even though we were all sad we know that they have lived a long healthy, wonderful life and that they are now with the Lord. I believe that they would want us to remember the times that we were able to spend together and just to live for God so that we will be able to join them when it is our time. Granny had a husband, Claude, which some of us were not all that fond of, but I can say that we all see him in a different way now. We could see how much he is hurting because he lost the other love of his life, he had lost his first love when he was 20 something. It hurt me to see him hurt so bad. He is 102, yes 102 and he is just like one of us or like granny was… he can get around and does exercise every morning and night. He says the trick to living old is: work and eating a bowl of oatmeal every morning. It puts me at ease to know that granny is still by his side and will continue to be until he joins her in heaven.
So this week we all had to say good bye to two wonderful women but not goodbye forever. Something like this will make you realize how blessed you are to have people in your life and to let them know everyday that you love them with all your heart. I was not able to have this woman in my life for along time but I am blessed that I was brought into her life and that she touched my heart just like she did with others. I love you granny, you take care of yourself and please watch over my daddy, and our babies, and please continue to watch over us..