Babies

Well when Justin got off work we decided to go to Mitchell and Erins. I have not been able to go see Erin and sweet little baby Jaelyn since she was born. All I can say is that is one BEAUTIFUL little girl and not fussy at all. The only thing is holding that sweet baby made me realize even more how bad I am waiting a baby of my own. I was lucky enough to be pregnant twice, even though they are in heaven I still thank God for allowing me to be able to carry my two wonderful gifts in my belly even if it was for a short time. And allowing me to be able to hold Justin in my arms and Brooklyns tiny hands and touch her soft skin for a short while. BUT even though God gave me those two gifts I would still like to be an actual momma soon. I know that God will grant us with a baby when he is ready but honestly I wish he was ready NOW. There is nothing else in this world that I want and that is to be a momma. To be able to hold, love and take care of my child every day until the day I join my other babies in heaven. Anyways sorry I am being a downer in this post but it is just how I am feeling right now. I just do not understand how people who dont even wanna be parents are allowed to have kids and they do not even take care of them, rape, abuse and murder them when there are people like us who would give anything to be able to have our babies here with us every day. I know that things happen for a reason and that it is Gods will and plans but I wish he could just set out a plan for us to be able to be parents. Yes, we are parents because we do have two babies but it just isnt the same..